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Movie Taglines & Poster Art CritiquesAn Ever-Expanding Page of LAUDABLE and LAUGHABLE "B" MOVIE TAGLINES from Poster and Video Cover Art, plus memorable (and not so memorable) Movie Quotes, Posters & Berserker Criticism.
ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT WOMAN - 1958, Allied Artist Pictures (pictured at right). Prolific artist Reynold Brown's depiction of Allison Hayes as a giantess causing destruction along an elevated freeway is the most enticing poster art ever conceived for a science fiction movie in the 1950s-- and maybe the most enticing poster art ever created for any film period. Too bad the movie, which is virtually devoid of quality special-effects, couldn't live up to our heightened expectations, especially after being lured into the theater by Brown's larger-than-life one-sheet poster hanging under the huge over-sized marquee.
Man Is The Warmest Place To Hide... THE THING (1982). They Charge an Arm and a Leg! HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS (1988). Blood Red Lips, Hungry for Love... But Cursed by the Brand of the Vampire! DEVIL BAT'S DAUGHTER (1946) Once they were almost human! Beneath the living... Beyond the dead... From the depths of Hell's Ocean! SHOCK WAVES (1977) The Deep End of Horror. "You know me... you know my meaning..." -- BILLY JACK. You feel your heart pounding, you know it's out there, you can't scream, now it's at your throat! NIGHT OF THE HOWLING BEAST (1975). Ripped Apart at the Screams! GRIZZLY RAGE (2007). "To infinity... and beyond! CAPTAIN BUZZ LIGHTYEAR.
THE ASTOUNDING SHE MONSTER - 1957, Universal Pictures (pictured at right). I've yet to find anyone whose been astounded by this wretched science fiction film, a brainless, pitiful example of "B" movie-making in the 1950s. But nearly everyone is astonished by artist Albert Kallis' magnificent rendering of the films one-sheet poster. One of the greatest examples of provocative film art painted during the fifties. Simply astounding!
"Second star to the right, and straight on till morning." -- CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK (Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie). Instant Terror... just Add Water! THE MONSTER THAT CHALLENGED THE WORLD (1965). Creeping, Crawling, Flesh-Eating Maggots. Living Bodies Used For The Most Vile Experiment Ever Devised! -- FLESH FEAST (1970) Morbid Horror in Vivid Color. Have a fun-filled vacation! Toe-tapping, Machete Head Dances! Glamorous Zombie-Style Cosmetic Surgery! Fabulous Air-Conditioned Tiger Pits! -- ZOMBIE ISLAND MASSACRE (1984). In Space, No One Can Hear You Scream! ALIEN (1979). It's Not Human... And It's Got An Axe! THE PREY (1984).
I don't know who painted this incredibly expressive poster, but the foreboding atmosphere so skillfully wrought by this artist is more than enough evidence for me to place this horror obscurity on my "Must See" movie wish list. Plus, with the delectable Fay Wray as the lead actress, you know it will be worth watching, and probably more than once.
OGRE (2008) No Donkey. No Fairy Tale. Just Terror! FINGERPRINTS (2006) Even The Dead Leave Them!
Conan's Father (played by WILLIAM SMITH): "No one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not beasts. [points to sword] But this... this you can trust."
Mongol General: "We have won again. That is good! But what is best in life?" BLACK COBRA (1976) How Much Snake Can One Woman Take... Every new embrace brought her strange new delights... The Scream You Don't Hear... Is Your Own! BAD DREAMS (1988). If you are squeamish stay home!!! Cold Green Skin against Soft, Warm Flesh! ... a croak ... a scream! FROGS (1972).
Artist Joseph Smith's color scheme for the one-sheet poster of Christopher Lee's Prince of Darkness debut is exceptionally tasteful, if you'll pardon my pun. However, Lee's visage as shown in the film was not anywhere near as frightening as Smith would have us believe it is with his grand guignol depiction. A clear case of poetic license, if you ask me.
Back When You Had To Beat It Before You Could Eat It. --CAVEMAN (1981). When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth.-- DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978).
The Doctor is In-SANE! --ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU (1977). Bill Murray in CADDYSHACK (1980). Groundskeeper Carl Spackler keeps a pitchfork pressed against the neck of a silent petrified kid and tells the story of the time he caddied for the Dalai Lama: "So we finish the 18th and he's gonna stiff me! And I say, 'Hey Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know? And he says, 'Oh, uh there won't be money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' 'So I got that goin' for me, which is nice." 10 Seconds: The Pain Begins... 15 Seconds: You Can't Breathe... 20 Seconds: Your Head Explodes... SCANNERS (1981) Their thoughts can kill. "I've had a hell of a lot of fun and I've enjoyed every minute of it." --ERROL FLYNN'S last words. My goal is to... "always make the audience suffer as much as possible." --ALFRED HITCHCOCK FROGS (1972) Today the Pond! Tomorrow the World! When it comes to terror, they're in a field of their own! --SCARECROWS (1988). The FLY with the head of a Man... and the Man with the head of a FLY! THE FLY (1958) For Adults Only.
Your hare will stand on end! How many eyes does horror have? How many times will terror strike? Well, in response to the last tagline taken from the original VHS box cover, not as often as it should, especially in a movie chockablock with giant rabbits running rampant across the screen. But William F. Claxton's homage to nature run amok does have its moments, and it does star scream-queen Janet Leigh and the mighty Stuart Whitman. But none of that mattered as much to me back then as did this mock-up poster for the 1972 theatrical release, which was so damned alluring that I can now count myself as one of those idiots who were stupid enough to pay money to see this ludicrous piece of crap when it first played in theaters. I should have spent my money on the poster instead.
In Space There Is No Daylight... DRACULA 3000 (2004). "Now, what is it which makes a scene interesting? If you see a man coming through a doorway, it means nothing. If you see him coming through a window-- that is at once interesting." --BILLY WILDER. Sultry Sisters in Sin... They fight dirty... They love dirty... Men were just meat to be used and abused! MAMA'S DIRTY GIRLS (1974). "If ya feel a wet snout in ya face, whatever you do, don't move. And don't kiss it 'cause it ain't me!" --ANDREW PRINE in GRIZZLY (1976). White hot desires melting cold prison steel! CAGED HEAT (1974). No rig was too big for them to handle! Double-clutchin'... gear jamming mamas who like a lot of hi-jackin' by day... a lot of heavy truckin' by night! --TRUCK STOP WOMEN (1974). DON'T GO NEAR THE PARK (1981) It's The Last Place You'll Ever Play!
The Shootist - 1976, Paramount Pictures (pictured at right). The last film of John Wayne is a fitting tribute to a iconic actor that was always reliable in the saddle, even if out of the saddle he was often criticised because of his social and political viewpoints. But Wayne was always liked by everyone he worked with, and always conducted himself like a true professional while on a movie set. The one-sheet poster of The Shootist was also conducted by a true professional, one Richard Amsel, famous for illustrating dozens of movie posters including the first Raiders of the Lost Ark poster. Notice the way our eye starts in the center on Wayne's face, then is drawn down to the gun hand and pulled around the oval in a counter-clockwise rotation, ending up at the bottom where we, at last, read the title caption. None of that is accomplished by happenstance. It's all carefully calculated by the artist in his layout. Movie quotes are also carefully calculated to have a desired effect on an audience, and one of my favorite quotes is delivered by the Shootist himself; "I won't be wronged. I won't be insulted and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I require the same of them." Of course, a meaty line like that is almost impossible to resist changing, to reflect something more like this: "Don't fuck with me, pilgrim, and I won't fuck with you. Capisce!"
"We are not men! We are not beasts! We are things!" Bela Lugosi, ISLAND OF LOST SOULS (1932). The only people who will not be STERILIZED with FEAR are those among you who are already DEAD! THE FLESH EATERS (1964). "I live off Blood... I'm twelve. But I've been twelve for a long time." Eli the vampire girl, LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (2008). They planted the living, and harvested the DEAD! INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS (1972) We warn you! Don't eat before you see the Show and you won't have Nothing to Lose! The film that will satisfy every over-sexagesimal adult! --ORGY OF THE DEAD (1965) In gorgeous Astravision and shocking Sexicolor! We Dare You Not To Scream When You See... SCREAM BABY SCREAM (1969) A freaked-out horror thriller that will really shock it to you.
CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON - 1954, Universal Studios (pictured above). This one-sheet "monster-carry" poster from the movie Creature From The Black Lagoon was not illustrated by famed artist Reynold Brown. Most likely it was an amalgamation created by members of the studio's advertising department, but it's still a classic image of our beloved Fish-Man. The depiction of actress Julia (Julie) Adams in the poster seems less than perfect though, but still admissible because of the way she's shown filling out her bathing suit so incredibly well. This black & white monster movie is truly one of the best of its kind ever made, and proof positive that rubber suits are far more effective at suspending our disbelief about imaginary monsters than computer generated effects are when used for the same purpose.
CREATURE FROM THE HILLBILLY LAGOON (2005) It Turns Rednecks Into Deadnecks. Please do not disturb Evelyn... she already is! MOUNTAINTOP MOTEL MASSACRE (1986). Triple Distilled Horror... as powerful as a vat of boiling Acid! SCREAM AND SCREAM AGAIN (1970) SILENT NIGHT EVIL NIGHT (Black Christmas, 1974) If this picture doesn't make your skin crawl... it's on TOO TIGHT. Where your sleeping bag becomes a body bag! DECAMPITATED (1998). Some May Pass The Test... God Help The Rest! FINAL EXAM (1981) If you are going to race with the Devil, you've got to be as fast as Hell! -- RACE WITH THE DEVIL (1975).
SKI PARTY - 1965, American International (pictured above). Granted, this is primarily a photo collage and not an illustration, but I placed it here because of its awesome tagline, one of the best in all of filmdom; It's where the He's meet the SHE's on SKIs... and there's only one way to get warm! Of course, I've been skiing for a long time now and have a soft spot for any movie that has skiing as part of its core, but you have to admit, this poster is put together rather nicely, or rather, the bikini clad girls are put together rather nicely. Now if only James Brown hadn't lip-synched his number I would be singing praises about the movie itself, which, while generally fun to watch, is just another weak rehash of the more popular film, Some Like It Hot.
TEENAGE GANG DEBS (1966) They All Talk, Fight, and Love Just One Way... Dirty! Under-aged... over-sexed... kick-happy... thrill hungry... always reckless and willing! The Go-Go Girls Who Go To Far! THE PEEPING TOM (1960) More Horrible Than Horror! More Terrible Than Terror! "FEED ME!" Audrey Jr., The Carnivorous Plant LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS (1960). SCHIZO (1977) When The Left Hand Doesn't Know Who The Right Hand Is Killing! Don't Be Ashamed to Scream-- It Helps To Relieve The Tension --THE BLACK SCORPION (1957). THE BOARDING HOUSE (1982) Where The Rent Won't Kill You, But Something Else Will... A Night To Remember, until The Day You Die -- ONE DARK NIGHT (1983). TNT JACKSON (1974) Spine Shattering... Bone Blasting... She's a One Mama Massacre Squad!
THE CAVE - 2005, Screen Gems (DVD cover pictured above). The Cave is not a horrible motion picture, just disappointing, and not because the story follows a predictable path, but because the actions scenes are so badly choreographed. There's just too many rapid-cut edits involved, piled one on top of another, and too much use of hand-held cameras. Of course, we all know how lousy the camera work is on most genre films these days-- it all but stinks. So while the movie may be hard to fall in love with, this DVD cover art is not. It's like peering through the side of an awesome aquarium, or the side of one of those glass boxes we built when we were kids that became an ant-hive container. Those were so cool, unless you happened to break one on the kitchen floor.
"Just look at the face: it's vacant, with a hint of sadness. Like a drunk who's lost a bet." --LUCY DAVIS in SHAUN OF THE DEAD (2004). "I think were gonna be OK, guys. Yeah, I think were gonna be alright. You know, this is just some leaky barrel, radiation, toxic dump waste, enviro-crap, freak-beast accident that crawled out of the sewer, man. That's all this is." --JUDAH FRIEDLANDER in FEAST (2005). "Wendy? Darling? Light of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in!." --JACK NICHOLSON in THE SHINING (1980). "I'd like to bury the hatchet with my sister. Right in her head! --LACEY CHABERT in BLACK CHRISTMAS (2006). Parents may be shocked, but youth will understand! --EIGHTEEN AND ANXIOUS (1957). They Look Like Kids-- but They Want Love Like Adults! --THE EXPLOSIVE GENERATION (1961) Go-Go For A Wild Ride With The Action Girls. --FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! (1965) Superwomen! Belted, buckled and booted! "Do sit down, Seargeant. Shocks are so much better absorbed with the knees bent." --CHRISTOPHER LEE in THE WICKER MAN (1974). The Law is their Whip-- their Trademark the Branding Iron! -- THE FEMALE BUNCH (1969) They dare to do what other women only dream about!
THE BIRDS - 1963, Universal Studios (pictured above). Of course, this poster is familiar to cinephiles everywhere, and posting it here is no new experience, but I really like the posters illustration and famous tagline; "...and remember, the next scream you hear may be your own!" Now I not sure who actually coined that line, but I'd like to believe it was ole Hitch' himself. But I also like the posters other quote; "It could be the most terrifying motion picture I have ever made!" That was owned by Alfred Hitchcock, and is probably accurate in its declaration. While Psycho is a superior film in almost everyone's estimation, I'm not convinced it has as many terrifying moments as The Birds does. According to IMDB, the screaming woman on the poster is not Tippi Hedren as commonly believed, but Jessica Tandy (and the nose certainly looks like Tandy's).
Surfin' High and Twistin' Wild & Feelin' Wonderful! --FOR THOSE WHO THINK YOUNG (1964) You have to think young to feel real Sprung! Surf's Up! THE CREATURES (1974) They Came From Beyond The Grave! They weren't born!! They were kicked out of HELL!!! THE FUNHOUSE (1981) Pay to get in - Pray to get out. Something is alive in the Funhouse! Due to the horrifying nature of this film, no one will be admitted to the theater!" SCHLOCK (1973). They Came. They Shopped. They Saved The World! --NIGHT OF THE COMET (1984).
THE UNINVITED - 1944, Paramount Studios (pictured at right). Who knew Ray Milland could toss a candlestick holder like a javelin. Well I did, and so did Ray, because he was the "real-deal" back in the golden age of films. And no one looked as smokin' hot in an evening jacket as Ray Milland did, even when aroused from sleep in the middle of the night by ghosts. Dapper at all times, that was Ray Milland's persona (well except for that Lost Weekend gig). It wasn't until he started losing his hair later in life that things began to cool off. By then Ray was forced to make crappy films like The Thing With Two Heads and River of Gold (a lame TV movie). He did rebound nicely though, and finished out his career as a fine television actor in numerous guest starring roles. But Ray wasn't the only bright spot in The Uninvited, there were his two female co-stars, Gail Russell and Ruth Hussey, who were also in their prime during the making of the film; Gail all of twenty years old, and Ruth only fourteen years her senior. Both ladies were smokin' hot too. Hell, even 41 year old Alan Napier was hot! In fact, everything in that movie was great looking; the Cornwall location, the manor house, the sets, the clothes, the cat, the car, and the excellent black-and-white cinematography. Yeah, pretty much everything. And what a perfect motion picture it turned out to be.
LISTEN.... this is the Voice of THE UNINVITED: sob.. boo... wail... sob...
"I am the monster that breathing men would kill. I am Dracula." Gary Oldman, BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA (1992). Close your eyes for a second... and sleep forever. --THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE (1982) The Ultimate Driller Killer Thriller. If You're not back by midnight... you won't be coming home! PROM NIGHT (1980). "I dunno what the hell's in there, but it's weird and pissed off, whatever it is." --RICHARD MASUR in THE THING (1982).
These are THE SUBTERRANEANS (1960) Today's Young Rebels - who live and love in a world of their own. This is their story told to the hot rhythms of fabulous jazz...
So Young... So Bad... So What? REFORM SCHOOL GIRLS (1986). This is true! This is real! This actually happened! --THE STRANGLERS OF BOMBAY (1960) Filmed in "Stranglescope"! Roger Corman Classics: They're learning fast... --THE STUDENT NURSES (1970) It's what they do off duty that's really private! --PRIVATE DUTY NURSES (1971) It's always harder at night for the... --NIGHT CALL NURSES (1972) They're growing up fast... --THE YOUNG NURSES (1973) These Nurses Will Make Your Temperature Rise!
"You're suffering from a Vulcan mind-meld, Doctor." "It is logical: the needs of the many outweigh... The needs of the few... Or the one." --SPOCK and KIRK, THE WRATH OF KHAN (1982). "Scotty, I need warp speed in three minutes or we're all dead!" -- KIRK to SCOTT, THE WRATH OF KHAN (1982). "From hell's heart I stab at thee... For hate's sake... I spit my last breath at thee!" --KHAN to KIRK, THE WRATH OF KHAN (1982).
[Copyright © Berserker Books - All art, quotes, and taglines copyright their respective artists, designer's, writers, and studios] |
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BLACK MOON - 1934, Columbia Pictures (pictured at right). 
NIGHT OF THE LEPUS - 1972, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (pictured at right). 
